Self-care, to me, is everchanging, dependant on my too everchanging self. There was a point in time several years ago when my teenage self thought it was to do with baths, dressing nicely and indulging in face masks. It then changed to have an addition of nurturing my mental wellbeing, protecting my energy and being conscious of where and who I shared my time with as I entered my late teens.
During my early twenties I understood the self at a slightly deeper level and then self care was also an addition of being mindful of what I was consuming; food, media, products. And now here I am in my mid twenties, with a new understanding of self care. I recognise that everything I believed it was to be still is true, but under all of that is a thread that ties it altogether, making it unique to each of us.
As adulthood crept up on me, I see how often we go through life with a blasé attitude. With the same routines of day and night and the daily tasks life requires from us, it is so easy to put our needs at the bottom of the seemingly never ending to-do list. Though this seems to work as we still get the blessing to wake up each day, God willing, the repetition of not meeting our own needs takes a hit.
Slowly and invisibly we feel more tired, more stiff, less vital, less excited for life and more externally seeking. When things don’t go as planned, when we wake up feeling lost and less trusting of the divine timing, we begin to find answers to rationalise where it all took a left turn.
When exactly did it begin to feel so heavy and unbearable? Knowing that we each have our own stories, some peoples’ more complex than others, why do some things feel so weighted, when in the grand scheme of things they are not? Why why why?
We question and question and question, again never truly getting to the bottom of it. Until one day we realise that perhaps we’ve been seeking answers in the wrong direction. I began to realise that I couldn't control everything outside of me. I began to trust that perhaps some things had happened as they needed to happen, holding up a mirror that asked me to look inward.
It all began to feel so heavy when I abandoned myself in the process of taking on the hits of life. It began to feel sticky when I falsely believed I had control over anything other than myself. It all came crumbling down when I neglected self care.
A time of crisis was my teacher of self. I was stripped back and vulnerable. The only way through was to take care of myself, self care. I’m learning more and more that all the ideas of self care I’ve had over the years are very much tangible ways for me to practise self-care.
Putting on an outfit that makes me feel myself, taking my time when applying my face and body care, being intentional with my meals and snacks, spending time outdoors, listening to lifting music and prioritising rest and fun are ways that I come back to myself and show myself that I care.
The latest form of self-care I have adopted has been being brave and allowing the rawest of emotions and feelings that dance through my body work their way through my thoughts and physical sensations, even if I feel completely shaken.
Where usually these feelings make me want to hide and be seemingly safe in a comfort zone, I see how they never seem to go forever when I tend to follow this pattern. Instead I am adjusting to facing them head on. They’ve been guiding me to become more wild and free, I wonder where it will take me…
Rituals have been a vital part of my self care. The daily rituals I have curated for myself keep me grounded and anchored to a tangible expression of care that make me feel grateful in knowing I’ve prioritised myself in the midst of a busy and unpredictable week.
The mugs of herbal tea I brew nourish my body and keep me warm. Playing songs that get me dancing ease the stresses stored in my body. The walks I take in the park fill me with sweet memories of eras before and the trusting trees keep me company.
The gentle brushing of my hair and application of rich herbal infused oils to my scalp reveal my ancestry and the ever living magic that runs through my blood. The new nightly asanas show me how powerful consistency is in helping my body melt into the mat. The making of my breakfast the night before gifts me love the next morning.
These are a few rituals that keep my self cared for and are reminders of how showing up for yourself is nothing short of rewarding.
So, I ask myself again…What does self care mean to me? Self care to me is taking care of myself in any way possible. It is a big mix of all the things my teenage self believed it to be and the adult me is learning it to be.
Self care is honouring, allowing, feeling, doing, loving and being. And perhaps, above all, it is the practice of not abandoning myself.